Don't Try

A Letters to My Daughter Story

“Don’t Try.”

These are the words written on Charles Bukowski’s headstone. Do kids today read Bukowski? I doubt it. Why does the idea of Bukowski’s poetry fading into obscurity make me unspeakably sad?

Photo by observationblogger

Many of Bukowski’s poems make me sad, it’s true, but they make me sad because they make me feel seen. Bukowski wasn’t a great role model of a person, so why do I want his words to be read? I’m not sure, but I think it’s related to the reason I’m currently reading Lolita for the first time.

My life has been marked by effort. I believe that only through sustained effort do we make progress towards our goals. I consider myself an artist and I’m a staunch advocate of studying and practicing your craft. How could that be aligned with the idea of “Don’t Try?”

The latin root of the word “decide” literally means “to cut off”. When you decide you are “cutting off” other options. Once they are gone let them be dead. They may as well be. You can’t effectively go back. There are no do overs. We all decide too little and accept too much. I, for one, was never made to be this busy.

10 years ago I realized that my writing was going nowhere. I had multiple manuscripts in various states of completion. I hated them all. I realized at 33 that I could continue to try too hard at way too much, or I could get really good at just a few things. I’ll give you one guess at my decision.

Over the course of 10 years I learned a lot about writing and storytelling. I practice everyday. I practice until the writing doesn’t feel like effort. I write until I’m not aware of the words as they flow from brain to fingers to page.

“Are those words any good?” You ask.

“I don’t know.” I offer in return with a shrug. I stopped asking if the words were good because I instead started asking myself if they were true. At 43 I can finally agree, Bukowski was right.

Don’t try.