My mom taught me everything I needed to know about values by the time I was five. It seemed so simple.
Love everyone; treat them kindly
Think about how your words and actions will impact others
Don’t tame and try bring home every single wild animal you encounter
At five years old, I didn’t understand she was teaching me was common human values as defined by the WEIRD world.
Most of our positive feelings are directly connected to living a life in alignment with our values. Want to be happier? Get really clear on what is important to you, not what you think should be important to you.
What do I mean when I say the word “value?” It has many different meanings, but the definition we’re using here is this one from Merriam-Webster:
Value noun
val-ue
4: Something (such as a principle or quality) intrinsically valuable or desirable
sought material values instead of human values—W. H. Jones
What other human values come to mind based on our conversation so far? Empathy? Integrity? Courage?
I’m sure all of your examples are great, but my examples will be different. I think that’s one of the beautiful things about the world. How I feel about myself is largely defined by how well I’m living in alignment with the values that resonate the most with me. Our innate differences create a more well-rounded world.
Most Americans will agree on the importance of human values, but their individual hierarchy of values is as going to be different. I value kindness, but it isn’t in my top five. It could be in yours, and that’s great because we need people in this world to inspire more kindness. I want to be kind, but in my opinion, there are more important things than kindness.
If I ask nicely, can we all stop being so focused on what everyone else’s values “should be”?
The point I’m trying to make is that we need to each work to identify our own hierarchy of values because they are the best guides for how to live our lives. We’re going to be talking about this concept in greater detail over the upcoming weeks. If you are a smarty-pants and want to read ahead, then start by researching The Schwartz Theory of Basic Values and all other work work by Shalom H. Schwartz for more information.
Before I leave you, I have one last thought. America is currently experiencing a period of upheaval and discontent. Even if you aren’t a student of politics and history, most Americans agree on this. We also agree that things are getting worse. A large part of the fuel for my writing is the fact that politicians and the media are telling us that the differences in our personal value hierarchies are reasons for us to be separated and fearful of each other. It’s just not true.
We’re being manipulated, and it is making a tiny handful of people absolutely vile amounts of wealth. If you want the madness to stop, then we need to start talking sense to each other. What I see is the misery of Americans getting further and further away from the values we respect. How much integrity do you see in the people at the top of every major corporation and political party? I advise you to research how much your favorite commentator makes from spouting their “opinions” designed to manufacture outrage.
Stop being a pawn. I can’t tell you who you are, but I can tell you that you are not a pawn.
Can we all agree to stop acting like our greatest ambition is being something we are not?